Do those products really do what the "pitches" claim they do?
We've all been there.. Dozing off to that calming late night episode of Little House on the Prairie. And just as you're about to hit R.E.M. (you know that space in between awake and out like a light. That moment that you can't tell if you're aware of your surrounding or if it's all just a dream). And right at that moment you go from hearing Laura Engals saying "But Pa, Nellie started it" and the next thing you hear is that booming voice of the late great Billy Mays saying "Don't just get it clean, get it OxyClean..... Super charge it with OxyClean". Pretty sure he was super charging that shit right up his nose. As if his voice wasn't loud enough, the commercial filming freaks have to adjust their audio to make it seem even louder.. But hey, it worked.. He got our attention and made us want to know if he was lying. Which is a stupid question, all drug users lie. And yet I still ask the question - If Billy Mays was psyched up enough about a product that he had to snort coke to sell it, it has to be the real deal, RIGHT? And because of that, I have become the "As Seen On TV" Queen. Dead Billy has caused me to hit the A.S.O.T.V section of every store I walk in to.. Let me give you a little rundown of my findings. Oxyclean - In the Oxyclean pitch Billy has a bowl of water tinted red. He dumps a scoop of Oxyclean in, and it's suddenly crystal clear. He cleans grout, pet poopy stains, laundry and his nostrils (is that joke getting old yet?). So what's the verdict.. I love some Oxyclean. I do put a scoop in every load of laundry. I clean the bathtub soap scum with it. I've even cleaned my counter tops with it. Sometimes I'm even tempted to brush my teeth with it. It's not quite as easy as Billy's claim. You do have to use a little elbow grease.. But I keep buying it. So I guess that means it gets a thumbs up. Ab Lounge - I don't think Billy actually pitched this product.. But its my opinion that everyone needs one of these. This is the greatest invention EVER. I use mine every single day.. Place it in a convenient location and you will seriously get your moneys worth. I personally have mine placed by the front door. And this is what I've learned - The Ab Lounge can hold 15 pairs of shoes, a purse, a book bag, 10 days of junk mail, 3 winter coats, a shake weight and a lazy sleeping cat. Order yours now. Sobakawa pillow. I truly do love my Sobakawa.. I can wiggle my 20 pound melon down into the micorfiber beads and sleep all night. But don't let the commercial (or the picture on the box) fool you. The lady in the picture has obviously been the voodoo doctor and had her head shrunk. The actual pillow is about half the size as it appears on the box.. Overall, I'd buy it again. Ab Belt. Okay, I haven't actually bought this particular item. But I did at one time have a similar product. The pitch - put this belt on and it will send electrical shocks into your abdomen causing the muscles to contract in the same manner as doing sit ups. Well there is a mental issue while wearing this thing (and yes, while buying it). There is just something very wrong with electrocuting yourself. I never felt any actual muscle contractions. It was more like your abdomen was licking both the positive and negative connections of a 9 volt battery. Needless to say, I donated this to the church rummage sale. Fushigi - Magic gravity ball. The pitch - Everyone loves the Fushigi, it's entertaining it's relaxing, it's therapeutic, it's AMAZING - IT SUCKS. I bought one for my nephew and my son as Christmas gifts. I have yet to see either of them defy gravity. But if you need a good paperweight, I hear if you call in the next 20 minutes they will double your order and you only have to pay shipping and handling. Oveglove. Oooo. I love my Oveglove.. This is great for grilling.. Well grilling ribs. it's not so great for burgers or steaks. Since I cook my ribs "slow and low", I need to turn them. I can pull them right out of the rib rack and flip them with my Oveglove. And when it comes time to cut them, I can hold them with an Ovegloved hand and slice right through them with my Ginsu. Downfall. They don't clean well.. Mine is stained and nasty looking.. Has the appearance of never being washed. Topsy Turvy Tomato and strawberry planters. These things are a nightmare.. Unless you have Billy Mays at your house to hold them while you fill them, forget it. Each Topsy Turvy holds an entire bag of potting soil. I hung one on a shepherds hook to fill and plant it. IT BENT THE HOOK IN HALF. They are so heavy we had to actually build a structure strong enough to hold them off the ground. Then they were up so high, they were nearly impossible to water. To top it off, I still had to pull weeds out of them. Don't waste your dollars. PedEgg. yes it really does scrape the dead skin off of your feet. Yes, I use mine on a regular basis. Yes, if you turn it wrong when you're done, your dead feet skin will spill out all over your snuggie. Shake Weight.. LMAO.. sadly I own one.. This might actually work if people didn't look so ridiculous using it.. You really do look like you're shaking a jug of Koolaide to mix it up. Except for the the fact that you kind of have to hold your head funny because while you're shaking yourself stronger, there is a very real chance you will hit yourself in the forehead. And because your family will be laughing their asses off, there is an even bigger chance that the shake weight will slip out of your hand and hit them in the forehead. Store it on your Ab Lounge. Get out a half gallon milk jug and fill it half way with water. It will do the same thing. Kaboom. Great stuff.. It is about as scrub free as any cleaner can be. Although nothing is totally scrub free.. We use it on just about everything around here. I actually mopped my floors with it just yesterday. And last night Ryleigh cleaned her shoes with it.. I recommend the foaming aerosol version.. It's blue when you spray it on and turns white when it's time to wipe (and scrub, depending on your dirt). Slapchop. This sits in my pantry collecting kitchen dirt. At first I thought it was great.. But then I found myself using a knife because it was quicker. The Slapchop can only handle very small amounts of whatever your chopping.. So it still requires a knife and cutting board.. It doesn't do well with celery or onions. It turns meat into babyfood.and the blades dull quickly. Best thing you can get out of this is a little more upper arm exercise than you'll get from the Shakeweight. InStyler. This thing is only good if you want a hair cut and a trip to the emergency room. I've known a few people that have tried this (I don't have enough hair). It was actually the same InStyler that got passed around because everyone hated it. And everyone managed to burn their forehead and or neck with it.. And if you don't manage to singe your flesh off, you will manage to get it so tangled in your hair, you will have to head to the locale beauty shop to have them cut it out. UltraSmooth.. The pitch - If you rub your hairy places with this, you will remove unwanted hair and have smooth skin for up to eight weeks. Well you better have 8 weeks to get the hair removed.. It takes about 45 minutes of rubbing to remove a 1 inch patch of unwanted hair. So that's it (Probably if I look around, I could find some more useless purchases that we've all wondered about) A few things I'm still trying to talk myself out of buying. * Pajama Jeans * Sauna Pants * Neck Line Slimmer * Aluma Wallet * Potty Patch. I don't have a dog. But I think it would be great around the toilet for when the guys miss * iRENEW bracelet What's your "As Seen On TV" moment of weakness?
